When Vermont parents go through a divorce or separation, one of the most emotionally charged questions is where the child will live—and whether the child gets a say in that decision. Many parents ask, “Can my child choose which parent to live with in Vermont?”

The short answer is: not exactly, but the child’s preferences may be considered depending on age, maturity, and circumstances. Vermont courts always prioritize the best interests of the child, and while a child's wishes can be a factor, they are never the sole deciding factor.

How Vermont Courts Make Custody Decisions

In Vermont, the legal term for custody is parental rights and responsibilities (PR&R). Courts can allocate these responsibilities in several ways:

• Sole legal and physical responsibility to one parent
• Shared legal and/or physical responsibility between both parents
• Split or hybrid arrangements depending on the child’s needs

When determining these arrangements, courts must assess what is in the best interest of the child. To do so, judges use a set of statutory factors, including:

• The child’s relationship with each parent
• Each parent’s ability to meet the child’s needs
• The child’s adjustment to home, school, and community
• The ability of the parents to communicate and cooperate
• The stability of each parent’s household
• And, in some cases, the child’s wishes

When Do a Child’s Preferences Matter?

Vermont does not set a specific age at which a child can choose which parent to live with. Instead, courts look at:

• The child’s age and maturity
• The child’s reasoning for their preference
• Whether the child is being influenced or pressured by either parent

For example, a thoughtful and well-articulated preference from a 14-year-old who wants to remain in the same school district might carry more weight than a 10-year-old who prefers one parent because they have fewer rules or more video games.

Courts are cautious to ensure that a child’s preference is genuine, well-reasoned, and not coerced, and they may also consider how expressing that preference could emotionally affect the child.

Does My Child Have to Testify in Court?

In most cases, Vermont courts try to avoid putting children on the witness stand, recognizing that testifying against a parent can be stressful and traumatic.

Instead, the child’s preferences may be gathered in other ways:

• Through a Guardian ad Litem, appointed to represent the child’s best interests
• In a custody evaluation by a mental health professional
• During in-camera interviews with the judge (in chambers and off the record)
• Through input from a family therapist or social worker

These options help preserve the child’s emotional well-being while still giving the court access to their views.

What If My Teenager Refuses to Visit the Other Parent?

As children get older—especially in their mid to late teens—it becomes more difficult to force visitation that they strongly oppose. While the court order must still be followed, judges and attorneys recognize that real-world enforcement with older teens can be challenging and sometimes counterproductive.

If a teenager is refusing visitation, it’s important for both parents to:

• Explore the reasons behind the resistance
• Avoid blaming or alienating the other parent
• Consider seeking a modification of the parenting schedule, if appropriate

Ignoring the court order or encouraging a child to resist visitation can backfire legally. Instead, it’s best to seek legal guidance to address the issue constructively.

Tips for Parents Handling Custody Preferences

• Be respectful of your child’s feelings, but don’t promise outcomes you can’t control.
• Don’t pressure your child to “choose sides.” Courts frown upon any signs of parental manipulation.
• Communicate with the other parent and stay focused on your child’s well-being.
• Seek legal advice before making changes to a court-ordered custody arrangement.

Speak with a Vermont Family Law Attorney

Child custody decisions are never easy, especially when your child’s preferences come into play. At Deppman Law PLC, we help Vermont families manage these complex and emotional issues with care, clarity, and experience. If you’re facing a custody dispute or need help understanding your rights and options, our team is here to guide you. Contact Deppman Law today to schedule a consultation and find out how we can support you and your family through the custody process.